"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you are scared"

H'okay, this is me trying to be brave... Here goes.

I never talk about food, especially not in the context of what I have eaten. Not with friends, family, anyone. I think it all centres around the fact that I am convinced that when people know I'm recovering from an eating disorder they look at me and think "you're too fat to have an eating disorder", so if I then talk about food and what I've eaten this will just encourage their opinions that I'm just a fat attention-seeking bitch because I eat. I haven't fasted on cucumber for three months (which FYI I don't recommend).

I am well aware that this is the eating disorder thinking and you would've thought after 10 years I might be able to stand up to these voices but evidently not. 

Anyway, I diverge. Here goes. 

I ate maltesers. Small chocolately honeycomb balls of goodness. Sucking the chocolate off until you get to the crunchy middle. What's more, I enjoyed it. Yes, I said it, I enjoyed eating chocolate. 
Granted I now feel awful so I'm trying to distract myself so I don't purge (hence the rambling blog post). The calorie content of everything I have eaten today and everything I have got to eat is now swirling through my brain, the voice is convincing me that I'm an awful person and I need to do whatever is necessary to burn off those calories, and then fast for the next week to punish myself. But I'm trying to push past these thoughts because despite how I'm feeling at the moment I DO WANT TO RECOVER. 

Anyway, to sum up, even if it makes you feel bad, maltesers taste yummy!